I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize