nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just found puke in my bra..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
