I just pynch a tree in the face
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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