Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
