Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
