I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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