I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
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I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
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I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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