I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
