apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
