just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
