you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
