Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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