so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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