Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize