Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
