Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
