Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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