Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
