hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Terrible idea I love it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
