I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize