Please don't use social media to get back at me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
