Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
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He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
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Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize