he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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