i just had sex bonerless
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
