I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
