my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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