he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
