Nicole vs. Life
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
