i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
