So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
