wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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