I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
