I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
