Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
