Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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