dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
