My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
