3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
