I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
