Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
vagina is talking i cant
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
