i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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