I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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