Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
