remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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