Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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