Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
