can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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