My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
