So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
