He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
