Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
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Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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