...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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