he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
