I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
