College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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