I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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