i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
