so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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