Only a mothe r could love this liver
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
