On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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