Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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