He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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