I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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