Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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