I wish I could teleport
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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