last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
