i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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