Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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