i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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