God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
